Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
