4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
