i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize