thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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