Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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