guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
third nipple confirmed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize