girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
