a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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