We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
