cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
