Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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