return my video game
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
