look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
