yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
