I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
