OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
