It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
