so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
