I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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