I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
