I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize