Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
