Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
