If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
