I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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