The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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