haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
