I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize