i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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