My cat gives me a boner
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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