What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
