Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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