There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
