Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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