I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
