I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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