How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
