you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize