My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
