Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
