you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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