don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
