hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
