I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize