alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
tell me about the eggs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
