so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
