please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
