i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
