just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
