Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
