i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
