whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
