After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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