just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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