Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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