I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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