I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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