Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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