Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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