All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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