At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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