It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
