but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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