Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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