There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
