I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
