with your own penis?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
