it hurts more in the daytime
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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