Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
