we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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