He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
