Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
