I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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