Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
