My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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