I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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