I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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