If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
